if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize