I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
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His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
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It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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