you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize