Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
