i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
