I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
