my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
