I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
