He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
