apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
