So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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