I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
