Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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