Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
