its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
