What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
