You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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