he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
