Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
