i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
