Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
