my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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