Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
So much rum. So many feels.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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