i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
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