i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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