Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Shame is for Republicans.
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