Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
