There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Randomize