I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
