i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
