so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We have started to decorate penises.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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