i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
