Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
