that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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