I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
