honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i think i have two assholes
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
