Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
