she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
