you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
