loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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