you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
