I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It's never too late to be topless.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
