It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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