I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
