hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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