Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
