did you get engaged???
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
