Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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