farters have to be the big spoon...
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
