Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
