I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Randomize
