booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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