She announced her abortion via fbk
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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