no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I just googled if crying burns calories
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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