why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
