A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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