I'm sorry my penis didn't work
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
