I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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