Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
