So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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