Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
