we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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