Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
