I just made out with a guy for $7.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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