get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
