no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
