Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
