Pants 0. Shit 1.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
