I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
