Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
