Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
