i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
