Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize