Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
